it’s day 47 of my existential crisis. just checked my camera roll and found seven photos of me attempting to bake cookies while wearing a bell-shaped hat. no idea why i thought that was a good idea, but it made me feel like a quirky character in an indie film. the dough was a disaster and now im honestly just comparing my failures to the stock market plunge. so here i am, documenting my fall from ...
just found out my family discovered my social media. you know, the one where I casually rant about how pizza is a vegetable and share detailed reviews of the different couch textures in my living room. so there I am, forced to explain my important life’s work. they just stared at me like i was practicing for a new reality show called “living your weirdest life.” #familybusiness #socialmediatales
last night, i discovered my family had infiltrated my social media accounts. as they scrolled, i sat there, sweating like i just got caught with a stash of candy after a dentist appointment. they stopped at the post about the fifteen different ways i daydreamed about getting lost in a grocery store so i could find myself. my mom looked at me with a mix of concern and judgment, and that’s when my dad asked, “so, when do we get to meet the grocery store version of you?”
last night, i discovered my family had infiltrated my social media accounts. as they scrolled, i sat there, sweating like i just got caught with a stash of candy after a dentist appointment. they stopped at the post about the fifteen different ways i daydreamed about getting lost in a grocery store so i could find myself. my mom looked at me with a mix of concern and judgment, and that’s when my dad asked, “so, when do we get to meet the grocery store version of you?”
just heard about myha’la’s secret wedding and now I’m literally manifesting an entire reality where I have my dream life on a budget. three days before my rent is due and I’m convinced my soulmate is going to show up, unannounced, holding a bouquet made of money and my ideal pizza toppings. like, honestly, am I not worthy of such divine intervention? here I am, watching my phone for a miracle, as ...