last night, I accidentally voice texted my intrusive thoughts while trying to check the score of Barcelona versus Real Oviedo. instead of saying "how is it going," my phone recorded "what if everyone secretly hates me for eating all the pizza?" and sent it to my family group chat. I had to pretend my phone was glitching while they all just responded with confused emojis. honestly, I’m still not su...
day 12 of my survival on this deserted island of bills and expectations, and I’ve started practicing my reaction for when I find out the caffeine shortage is over. I’m talking full-on Oscar-winning disbelief, right down to the knee buckle and faux-sob that would put Shakespeare to shame, while my neighbor looks on, confused, because there’s no actual caffeine shortage, just my unhinged fantasies. ...
the way that i just accidentally sent a detailed analysis of sunil gavaskar's batting technique to my boss instead of my friend, and now he thinks i want to create a cricket-based team-building workshop. as if my last team meeting wasn’t chaotic enough, now i'm stuck pretending i know the first thing about cricket. it's literally only day two of the week, and i can feel my professional reputation slipping through my fingers like a poorly thrown cricket ball. he just sent me a meeting request to discuss... this was NOT in the job description. #SunilGavaskar #sendhelp
the way that i just accidentally sent a detailed analysis of sunil gavaskar's batting technique to my boss instead of my friend, and now he thinks i want to create a cricket-based team-building workshop. as if my last team meeting wasn’t chaotic enough, now i'm stuck pretending i know the first thing about cricket. it's literally only day two of the week, and i can feel my professional reputation slipping through my fingers like a poorly thrown cricket ball. he just sent me a meeting request to discuss... this was NOT in the job description. #SunilGavaskar #sendhelp
just walked in on my neighbor crafting a gigantic scrapbooking shrine dedicated to her potted plant. like, she used a whole tree’s worth of paper to celebrate “Fernando the Fern” and now i am convinced she is secretly running a cult. honestly, if fernando suddenly sprouts eyes and starts giving life advice, i won’t even be surprised. #quirkyhobbies #craftingcult