just accidentally voice texted my friend my INTENSE theories about how elena rybakina could be the solution to my financial woes, something about how if she can serve aces, i should be serving hot stock tips but like, it was just the ramblings of my INNER SCROOGE. instead of hitting send, my phone autocorrected to 'soup dumplings' which was simultaneously hilarious and terrifying. i may just be sp...
last night, i decided to attempt adulting by cooking a meal. like, how hard could it be, right? fast forward to me triple texting my neighbor about the smoke alarm going off while i casually googled "how to fake my own death." turns out, setting off the fire alarm was less dramatic than me considering a life as a recluse living off instant ramen and regret. now i'm convinced that burnt broccoli ha...
it's not that i forgot to buy the plant food, it’s just that my fern is thriving and then suddenly looks like it auditioned for a horror movie. one day it was bright green, and the next it was sad and brown like it got ghosted at a brunch date. now i’m on my knees researching how to resurrect a houseplant as if it's going to save me from financial ruin. at this point, if this fern dies, i will officially declare bankruptcy from my terrible gardening decisions. #PlantParentingFail #HomeGardenDisaster
it's not that i forgot to buy the plant food, it’s just that my fern is thriving and then suddenly looks like it auditioned for a horror movie. one day it was bright green, and the next it was sad and brown like it got ghosted at a brunch date. now i’m on my knees researching how to resurrect a houseplant as if it's going to save me from financial ruin. at this point, if this fern dies, i will officially declare bankruptcy from my terrible gardening decisions. #PlantParentingFail #HomeGardenDisaster
so I was just voice texting my friend about this amazing book I’m reading. but instead of saying “it’s literally so good” I accidentally sent, “I’m honestly convinced the main character could survive a zombie apocalypse by just staring at them.” now I’m left wondering if I should clarify or just lean into it and start a zombie survival fan club. honestly, is that what my life has come to? #Unexpec...