just realized my spotify wrapped revealed that my life is basically a Jalen Smith injury report. like, my most played song this year is a 3-hour lo-fi mix that screams "send help." now everyone knows i spent countless hours feeling like a concussion waiting to happen while cramming for my life instead of actual work. hope the people at the coffee shop can handle the emotional damage. #JalenSmith #...
honestly, after triple texting a guy about what i thought was a pretty normal question, i started googling "how to fake your own death" just to get some distance from the impending doom of rejection. then i realized, if brock purdy can throw that many unexpected plays, i can at least throw my phone into the ocean instead. #JohnLynch #oops
not gonna lie, I treated myself to a fourteen-piece artisan pickle set because I thought, like, this is literally the key to hosting elevated dinner parties. fast forward to seeing the credit card bill, and now I'm fully planning my funeral outfit because clearly, I will be dying alone with my pickles as my only friends.
not gonna lie, I treated myself to a fourteen-piece artisan pickle set because I thought, like, this is literally the key to hosting elevated dinner parties. fast forward to seeing the credit card bill, and now I'm fully planning my funeral outfit because clearly, I will be dying alone with my pickles as my only friends.
bruh, just realized I got into a full-on parasocial beef with a fan account for a 90s sitcom. they commented about how “real fans only” watch the reruns at four AM and I took it personally. who knew my deep emotional connection to a fake family would lead to late-night comment wars over who's more devoted? like, am I crazy or did they not realize I'm ready to go full internet lawyer over fictional...