it's not that i am obsessed, it's just that after one brief conversation with someone, i named my future pets. yes, pets, plural. i named a cat after their favorite book character and a dog after a nickname they mentioned. who needs dating apps when you have this level of delusion? now i am just sitting here, refreshing the cmat website like it's going to change my life, but deep down i know i am ...
literally just found out that Bo Bichette is going to the Mets and I’m sitting here at home scrolling like—didn’t someone tell me they needed space while they start posting pictures with someone else? I can’t even keep up—my cat was giving me judgmental looks during my existential crisis. if my love life had an era, it would be “BO Bichette is living his best life while I can’t even decide on take...
I regret to inform you that I have officially apologized to my toaster for not being able to afford good bread this month. I told it I am truly sorry for subjecting it to cheap slices—honestly, it deserves better than this sad whole grain imposter. As it stands, the most nutritious thing in my apartment is the dust on my salad bowl—guess we’re sticking with toast-less existence until further notic...