literally just found out that Bo Bichette is going to the Mets and I’m sitting here at home scrolling like—didn’t someone tell me they needed space while they start posting pictures with someone else? I can’t even keep up—my cat was giving me judgmental looks during my existential crisis. if my love life had an era, it would be “BO Bichette is living his best life while I can’t even decide on take...
I regret to inform you that I have officially apologized to my toaster for not being able to afford good bread this month. I told it I am truly sorry for subjecting it to cheap slices—honestly, it deserves better than this sad whole grain imposter. As it stands, the most nutritious thing in my apartment is the dust on my salad bowl—guess we’re sticking with toast-less existence until further notice.
I regret to inform you that I have officially apologized to my toaster for not being able to afford good bread this month. I told it I am truly sorry for subjecting it to cheap slices—honestly, it deserves better than this sad whole grain imposter. As it stands, the most nutritious thing in my apartment is the dust on my salad bowl—guess we’re sticking with toast-less existence until further notice.
it's not that i didn't notice the signals. it’s just that every time we shared a glance across the snack machine, i convinced myself we had a secret bond, you know, like we were in a rom-com where the vending machine is a metaphor for my unreturned feelings... until i realized you only ever came for the expired candy bars. hashtag misguided loyalties #sweetdisillusionment