i just found out they elevated velus jones jr. from the practice squad and i could feel my own life unravelling. last week i got upgraded to a standing desk at work and my main job is still a hot mess. the worst part? my side hustle, which i thought was a joke, is now paying for my main job’s lunch expenses. who would have thought velus and my empty wallet would have something in common? #VelusJon...
last night, my parents showed up unannounced. picture this: me in my dinosaur onesie, frantically trying to hide the three-week-old pizza box on the couch. just as i thought i was safe, my mom casually mentioned the “intriguing smell” coming from the laundry basket… i mean, i hadn’t done laundry in so long, i forgot how many of my socks had dedicated habitats. just then, the doorbell rang again, a...
wait, just got the news about the mayor—now I’m having a full-blown identity crisis. I’ve been loyally helping my company meet its targets while silently crying at my desk over how they could swap me out for a potted plant. my barista knows my order, but my boss doesn’t even remember my last name. great. #ChicagoTribune #existentialcrisis
wait, just got the news about the mayor—now I’m having a full-blown identity crisis. I’ve been loyally helping my company meet its targets while silently crying at my desk over how they could swap me out for a potted plant. my barista knows my order, but my boss doesn’t even remember my last name. great. #ChicagoTribune #existentialcrisis
no because i just learned that my family's secret sauce recipe was taken from a chain restaurant menu. 20 years of nostalgia just dissolved in my mouth. now every time i hear the words "Jindal Saw" i can't help but think about how everything I ever tasted was just... blandly unoriginal—this revelation hit harder than when my coworker casually mentioned their $50-a-plate restaurant job. i think i n...