just spent the last hour debating if my favorite grocery store has a secret tunnel system for employee snack runs. then it hit me hard: i double texted about my discovery. not only that, but i triple texted to clarify my theory, and seriously considered faking my death just to escape the shame of needing to explain it all.
not gonna lie, when I heard Suni Williams was retiring from her space mission, I felt a strange kinship with her. here I am, orbiting my daily life with all the thrill of a slow wifi connection, while she’s out there dodging meteorites and I'm getting left behind by a friend and an ex in a completely different orbit. like, who decided to take the plot twist and date the only person who knows the n...
not gonna lie, I ended up mediating my parents’ divorce—and let me tell you, nothing prepared me for the day my dad proposed that he buy mom a year's supply of toilet paper to help ease the financial burden. it was his attempt at “negotiation.” so there I was, standing in the middle of a swirling storm of alimony and Charmin, thinking, “this is a financial crisis I never signed up for.” and honestly, who knew the key to family harmony could be found in an industrial-sized pack of bathroom supplies?
not gonna lie, I ended up mediating my parents’ divorce—and let me tell you, nothing prepared me for the day my dad proposed that he buy mom a year's supply of toilet paper to help ease the financial burden. it was his attempt at “negotiation.” so there I was, standing in the middle of a swirling storm of alimony and Charmin, thinking, “this is a financial crisis I never signed up for.” and honestly, who knew the key to family harmony could be found in an industrial-sized pack of bathroom supplies?
last night, I was scrolling through old messages and found texts from a time when I was being all extra romantic — like, sending memes about sandwiches and professing my love for an *entire hour* over a single episode of a show. I couldn't help but think about how I put in *that* kind of effort while now, I can barely send a two-word text without overthinking it. like, what is going on? now I just...