the way that i calculated how long it would take to save for a lifetime supply of pancake mix and suddenly felt like i was in a dark comedy about dystopian breakfast futures. like, who knew a twenty-five year plan could take such a toll on my self-esteem and love for maple syrup? now i'm just walking around my kitchen, staring at a lonely bottle of syrup and plotting how to sell my soul for flapja...
just accidentally voice texted my deepest intrusive thoughts while trying to send a sweet message about the new gta 5 update. instead of saying “i love playing with you,” i sent “you are my personal downfall and my favorite disaster.” now my situationship is staring at me like i just leveled up in CRINGE. there was no recovering from that—are we still vibing or have i just driven my heart off a vi...
i always thought if my family found my social media, i’d just casually explain my obsession with making detailed personality profiles for my favorite kitchen appliances—because honestly, my blender has trust issues. but here i am, backpedaling, trying to justify why my toaster is a “fiery artist” and i can’t explain the “relationship” with my dish soap that began after a deep existential crisis about capitalism. so now we’re here—no turning back, just me in a corner, clutching my unexplainable affection for small appliances like they’re my emotional support crew.
i always thought if my family found my social media, i’d just casually explain my obsession with making detailed personality profiles for my favorite kitchen appliances—because honestly, my blender has trust issues. but here i am, backpedaling, trying to justify why my toaster is a “fiery artist” and i can’t explain the “relationship” with my dish soap that began after a deep existential crisis about capitalism. so now we’re here—no turning back, just me in a corner, clutching my unexplainable affection for small appliances like they’re my emotional support crew.
wait, so I decided to literally take up amateur birdwatching, right? I went to the park with binoculars and a notepad to take notes on their habits. now I’m like a full-on avian anthropologist in my head, plotting my research paper titled “The Secret Lives of Sparrows” while barely being able to identify a pigeon. now I have to explain to my friends why I will be spending all my weekends staring i...