it’s not that i’m sensitive or anything, but just found out the friend i defended to EVERYONE was trash-talking me behind my back. like, i stood up for them when people said they were flaky. i even said “they’re like the larry ellison of friendships! they’ll come through.” fast forward to me finding out they’re gossiping and i literally said “weird how you’re never there when i need you” to their ...
wait, so I just sent a five-paragraph essay to the group chat about how my neighbor's cat is definitely plotting against me, and it was meant for the one friend who understands my delusions. now they all think I’m that person who obsessively names the enemy I don’t even have, and I am CANCER STARRING in this chaotic sitcom. #CatConspiracy #SorryNotSorry
why do we even have subscriptions? just realized how many I forgot about. now I’m picturing myself in a courtroom arguing with a personal injury lawyer over how my mental health was injured by eight music streaming services I didn't need. like, I need help getting back those hours wasted contemplating what the “right” background noise for cooking spaghetti was... wait, I did I actually do that? I think I just set the bar a little low for “chaotic lifestyle." #PersonalInjuryLawyer #ChaosIsMyMiddleName
why do we even have subscriptions? just realized how many I forgot about. now I’m picturing myself in a courtroom arguing with a personal injury lawyer over how my mental health was injured by eight music streaming services I didn't need. like, I need help getting back those hours wasted contemplating what the “right” background noise for cooking spaghetti was... wait, I did I actually do that? I think I just set the bar a little low for “chaotic lifestyle." #PersonalInjuryLawyer #ChaosIsMyMiddleName
yooo, just got a notification from the family group chat. the stress of planning a potluck is more intense than any meeting at work. mom just texted ten different dishes she expects from each of us, meanwhile, i am still trying to figure out what a real job even looks like. oh, and can we discuss how my cousin used this tragic news about prathamesh kadam to pitch her new ‘uplifting’ Instagram seri...