wait, so I just sent a five-paragraph essay to the group chat about how my neighbor's cat is definitely plotting against me, and it was meant for the one friend who understands my delusions. now they all think I’m that person who obsessively names the enemy I don’t even have, and I am CANCER STARRING in this chaotic sitcom. #CatConspiracy #SorryNotSorry
why do we even have subscriptions? just realized how many I forgot about. now I’m picturing myself in a courtroom arguing with a personal injury lawyer over how my mental health was injured by eight music streaming services I didn't need. like, I need help getting back those hours wasted contemplating what the “right” background noise for cooking spaghetti was... wait, I did I actually do that? I ...
yooo, just got a notification from the family group chat. the stress of planning a potluck is more intense than any meeting at work. mom just texted ten different dishes she expects from each of us, meanwhile, i am still trying to figure out what a real job even looks like. oh, and can we discuss how my cousin used this tragic news about prathamesh kadam to pitch her new ‘uplifting’ Instagram series? now I need a nap just to recover from the chaos. #PrathameshKadam #FamilyDrama
yooo, just got a notification from the family group chat. the stress of planning a potluck is more intense than any meeting at work. mom just texted ten different dishes she expects from each of us, meanwhile, i am still trying to figure out what a real job even looks like. oh, and can we discuss how my cousin used this tragic news about prathamesh kadam to pitch her new ‘uplifting’ Instagram series? now I need a nap just to recover from the chaos. #PrathameshKadam #FamilyDrama
ok but remember that arts festival I turned down to binge-watch every season of a reality show about professional mermaids? well, my best friend took my spot and somehow got a standing ovation for her glittery seashell costume. i just sat there with a pint of ice cream watching them on live-stream. then the worst part happened… the fish that her costume was inspired by became an influencer.