i heard about mariano barbacid curing pancreatic tumors in mice and thought, wow, they can fix their problems, but here i am trying to figure out how to end the feud between my left and right sock that disappeared last week. it’s been three days of searching, and the mental gymnastics are giving me the same anxiety i felt in high school when i forgot my lines in the school play. i mean, if we can ...
it’s 3 am and i’m scrolling through my bank statement like it’s an episode of a survival show. i see my monthly subscription to a meditation app and i chuckle because it hasn’t worked, i’m still a mess. then i find out i’m paying for three different streaming services and one i’ve NEVER even used. and just when i think it can’t get worse, i spot that recurring payment for a self-help book subscrip...
bruh, i just found out that the animated character who lives in a shoe is dating my ultimate celebrity crush and i think my soul left my body. like, here i am, clutching my laptop, rewriting my fake breakup speech in case they ever try to show up to my reality. WHO DOES THIS TO A PERSON? i didn’t sign up for this cartoon-level betrayal while scrolling through fan art at 2 a.m.!
bruh, i just found out that the animated character who lives in a shoe is dating my ultimate celebrity crush and i think my soul left my body. like, here i am, clutching my laptop, rewriting my fake breakup speech in case they ever try to show up to my reality. WHO DOES THIS TO A PERSON? i didn’t sign up for this cartoon-level betrayal while scrolling through fan art at 2 a.m.!
it's not that i was bad at math, it's just that during a quiz in the eighth grade, i literally drew a mustache on the math teacher's face on my exam paper as a joke and thought it was hilarious until he held it up for the entire class to see. now, ten years later, i can’t look at algebra without cringing, like, why was that my peak comedy moment?