it’s 3 am and i’m scrolling through my bank statement like it’s an episode of a survival show. i see my monthly subscription to a meditation app and i chuckle because it hasn’t worked, i’m still a mess. then i find out i’m paying for three different streaming services and one i’ve NEVER even used. and just when i think it can’t get worse, i spot that recurring payment for a self-help book subscrip...
bruh, i just found out that the animated character who lives in a shoe is dating my ultimate celebrity crush and i think my soul left my body. like, here i am, clutching my laptop, rewriting my fake breakup speech in case they ever try to show up to my reality. WHO DOES THIS TO A PERSON? i didn’t sign up for this cartoon-level betrayal while scrolling through fan art at 2 a.m.!
it's not that i was bad at math, it's just that during a quiz in the eighth grade, i literally drew a mustache on the math teacher's face on my exam paper as a joke and thought it was hilarious until he held it up for the entire class to see. now, ten years later, i can’t look at algebra without cringing, like, why was that my peak comedy moment?
it's not that i was bad at math, it's just that during a quiz in the eighth grade, i literally drew a mustache on the math teacher's face on my exam paper as a joke and thought it was hilarious until he held it up for the entire class to see. now, ten years later, i can’t look at algebra without cringing, like, why was that my peak comedy moment?
yooo, I thought splurging on a five hundred dollar decorative ceramic llama was self-care—only to find out my credit card is now my emotional support animal—so I guess I’m caring for my llama and my credit score while simultaneously avoiding the judgment of all my financially responsible friends. #treatyoself #regrets