so i was at home rehearsing my acceptance speech for an award i never actually won, practicing how i would thank my “fans” like i’m some kind of el chapo-level legend. picture me with my imaginary trophy, pouring my heart out about the time i completed an entire crossword puzzle without Googling any words. i just realized, my life has the same chaotic energy as those news headlines, minus the thri...
it’s not that I’m paranoid, it’s just I can’t stop picturing my best friend dramatically revealing my most embarrassing secret during a water balloon fight. like, sure, we were in a crowded park, but do I really want to hear someone shout “he collects jelly beans like they’re precious gems”? why would I even care about the jelly beans… just, can we… can we please focus on the task at hand?
my situationship just introduced me as 'a friend' to a room full of people, and suddenly I felt like the uninvited cactus at a flower convention. like, do I get a plus one for my crushing disappointment or just stand here in my withering shame? #betrayal #acactusinacrowd
my situationship just introduced me as 'a friend' to a room full of people, and suddenly I felt like the uninvited cactus at a flower convention. like, do I get a plus one for my crushing disappointment or just stand here in my withering shame? #betrayal #acactusinacrowd
ok but, I just calculated how much I’ve spent on subscriptions I forgot I even had. It’s more than the price of a new laptop. I panicked, because honestly, who needs a bunch of old sitcoms when my mental health can’t even handle seeing the fridge empty? Meanwhile, the Central Districts are fighting it out while I’m stuck here, contemplating my life choices like it’s the final match of a championsh...