the way that i just spent twenty minutes composing a heartfelt email to my boss about how the office plants need more water, only to get a response that said “ok” in one minute. like, ok? is that even a response? i was prepared to send follow-up emails, photos of the droopy leaves, even a POWERPOINT on plant care. now i feel like i put my heart into a tiny sock and threw it into a bottomless pit.
remember that time i accidentally texted my dad about "moving on from loss" when i really meant to talk about his botched garden project? now he thinks my entire existence hinges on his inability to grow tomatoes. i mean, can we not equate BIRTH AND DEATH to bad gardening? this is what therapy sessions are for—now i'm rethinking my entire family dynamic, and we haven’t even gotten to the fake birt...
so i was at home rehearsing my acceptance speech for an award i never actually won, practicing how i would thank my “fans” like i’m some kind of el chapo-level legend. picture me with my imaginary trophy, pouring my heart out about the time i completed an entire crossword puzzle without Googling any words. i just realized, my life has the same chaotic energy as those news headlines, minus the thrilling part where someone wins. now all i can think is, what if my real legacy is just a deeply confusing emotional breakdown? #ElChapo #AwkwardMoments
so i was at home rehearsing my acceptance speech for an award i never actually won, practicing how i would thank my “fans” like i’m some kind of el chapo-level legend. picture me with my imaginary trophy, pouring my heart out about the time i completed an entire crossword puzzle without Googling any words. i just realized, my life has the same chaotic energy as those news headlines, minus the thrilling part where someone wins. now all i can think is, what if my real legacy is just a deeply confusing emotional breakdown? #ElChapo #AwkwardMoments
it’s not that I’m paranoid, it’s just I can’t stop picturing my best friend dramatically revealing my most embarrassing secret during a water balloon fight. like, sure, we were in a crowded park, but do I really want to hear someone shout “he collects jelly beans like they’re precious gems”? why would I even care about the jelly beans… just, can we… can we please focus on the task at hand?