no because I just liked a photo of someone’s potato salad from ten months ago. like, WHO was I? scrolling at two a.m., and there I was, sending my thumbs up to a bowl of overcooked pasta they thought was gourmet. now I’m just waiting for them to message me about their “culinary journey” and I CAN'T even explain that it was a drunk accident, not an endorsement. honestly, I'm just trying to dodge th...
honestly, i woke up to see that my toxic coworker, the one who literally steals lunch from the fridge, just got promoted to my boss. like, WHAT? now i have to take orders from someone who used to ask me if i was even qualified to be here. all i can think is maybe i should start hiding my snacks at the office, or risk them being on a weirdly themed "team lunch" featuring my last week's leftovers. t...
literally just found out my partner is texting someone else. honestly, I don't even care... because I am now manifesting our life as award-winning reality stars, and I'm writing our dramatic finale scene in my head. imagine me confronting them in front of a live audience, holding a giant crystal and shouting "YOU TEXTED WHO?" while someone throws confetti. plot twist: we never had to pay rent again because our drama gets picked up for a season two.
literally just found out my partner is texting someone else. honestly, I don't even care... because I am now manifesting our life as award-winning reality stars, and I'm writing our dramatic finale scene in my head. imagine me confronting them in front of a live audience, holding a giant crystal and shouting "YOU TEXTED WHO?" while someone throws confetti. plot twist: we never had to pay rent again because our drama gets picked up for a season two.
so like, I pretend I’m totally over that time I accidentally wore two different shoes to a wedding, but honestly, I still wake up at night thinking about how the bride probably judged my life choices. like, who even knew that much shame could come from an old pair of mismatched loafers? I see other people getting ready for events like “yeah, I’ve got my outfit planned,” and I’m just sitting there ...