literally, I think about apologizing to that kid I bullied in high school. I mean, who wouldn’t want to hear an "I'm sorry" from the girl who once tripped them during a pep rally because I thought their shoes were ugly? like, imagine that epic redemption arc... but honestly, I’m pretty sure they’d rather pretend I fell off the face of the earth... or better yet, manifest a time machine to go back ...
so there i was, crafting a heartfelt message to my coworker about how their desk smells like a mixture of stale coffee and regret—real personal stuff, you know?—only for them to hit "forward" like it was some kind of office bingo. now everyone’s staring at me like i just told them novak djokovic fell on his serve or something. honestly, if my life was a match, i just got swept off the court by a d...
ok but imagine obsessing over someone who probably thinks about me as much as a goldfish thinks about its castle. i mean, i spent last Tuesday rearranging my whole living room just to make it look good for them... in my head. like, as if they are gonna just pop by, say “wow, nice place,” and we’ll get married right there over my questionable art collection. meanwhile, they are probably scrolling through their phone, totally oblivious, while i’m over here with five different playlists dedicated to the color of their shirt.
ok but imagine obsessing over someone who probably thinks about me as much as a goldfish thinks about its castle. i mean, i spent last Tuesday rearranging my whole living room just to make it look good for them... in my head. like, as if they are gonna just pop by, say “wow, nice place,” and we’ll get married right there over my questionable art collection. meanwhile, they are probably scrolling through their phone, totally oblivious, while i’m over here with five different playlists dedicated to the color of their shirt.
just realized my coworker forwarded my private message to the entire team. like, who knew my “let's grab drinks” was such an EPIC invitation to a team meeting? do i get a medal for providing entertainment or should i just start applying for jobs at the circus?