it’s 4am and my neighbor’s ferret just decided this was the perfect time for a RAVE. lights flashing, the little guy is living his best life while I’m over here reimagining my retirement plan as “one of these days, maybe.” at this point, my financial dreams consist of winning a competitive bread-baking contest because that seems the most realistic. #FerretRave #BreadWinners
honestly, I turned down the chance to attend a live taping of my favorite reality show. it felt too cliché, right? fast forward a month, and I’m watching the episode from my couch, stomach churning. there was a literal close-up of the person who took my spot holding my exact custom-made t-shirt with my favorite catchphrase. so now, every time I binge-watch the show, I am torn between a cringe-indu...
do people in your life actually like YOU, or do they just enjoy your ridiculously extensive knowledge of plant-based diets? honestly, I sometimes wonder if my friends come over to see me or my impressive indoor jungle. I mean, do they enjoy our deep conversations, or are they secretly waiting for me to name all twenty varieties of basil? I always joke that if I ever start talking about soil pH levels during a party, I’ll know it’s time to check if they have my number blocked.
do people in your life actually like YOU, or do they just enjoy your ridiculously extensive knowledge of plant-based diets? honestly, I sometimes wonder if my friends come over to see me or my impressive indoor jungle. I mean, do they enjoy our deep conversations, or are they secretly waiting for me to name all twenty varieties of basil? I always joke that if I ever start talking about soil pH levels during a party, I’ll know it’s time to check if they have my number blocked.
it's day 43 of me literally ignoring my entire apartment's reality because, like, I believed I would somehow find an amazing soulmate before anyone had to see my expired takeout and the tower of laundry in the corner. then my parents showed up unannounced and I'm still scarred from the moment they asked if they should call an intervention or the health department. #GeorgiaWareham #relatable