last night, my aunt’s cat jumped on my lap, and I panicked and told it I loved it, forgetting that the family was staring. it stared back, so I said thank you, and now I am fully convinced that I might need therapy because I’m more attached to that feline than half my actual family...
ok but how am I supposed to mentor someone when my life decisions have all the wisdom of a TikTok influencer who posts at 3am? I keep telling them to follow their passions, while I’m literally Googling “how to stop impulse buying vintage beanie babies.” honestly, if they ask me for advice on adulting, I might just start using random meme formats as my teaching method. #MentorshipGoals #LifeAdviceF...
last night, i found myself reflecting on jodie sweetin and how she turned trauma into comedy, and then i caught myself writing a comedy skit about my delivery driver forgetting my soda. i convinced myself that if i crafted the perfect punchline, he would apologize and then ask me out. now i am just a person desperately manifesting love through mediocre food deliveries. this is the line i said i would never cross. honestly, i even imagined our kids naming one of them after my favorite condiment. someone help. #JodieSweetin #UnhingedLove
last night, i found myself reflecting on jodie sweetin and how she turned trauma into comedy, and then i caught myself writing a comedy skit about my delivery driver forgetting my soda. i convinced myself that if i crafted the perfect punchline, he would apologize and then ask me out. now i am just a person desperately manifesting love through mediocre food deliveries. this is the line i said i would never cross. honestly, i even imagined our kids naming one of them after my favorite condiment. someone help. #JodieSweetin #UnhingedLove
wait, so i thought my private story was for my best friends. it turns out my cousin who still believes the earth is flat screen-shotted it. now i’m imagining the family reunion, trying to explain why my secret admiration for Emraan Hashmi looks like a deranged manifesto. he just made a new series, and here i am, becoming the subject of family gossip for fawning over someone who isn’t even aware i ...