it's not that I want to be the go-between in my parents' divorce... it's just that they both decided to launch their emotional meltdowns while I’m literally at a local goat yoga class. so now I'm sitting on a mat, surrounded by tiny goats, trying to explain why dad doesn’t deserve the hot tub anymore.
the way that i was asked to mentor someone at the dog park is wild. like, yes, i did read a book on leadership once. but i don’t know the first thing about training a dachshund. now i’m just nodding and pretending to care while secretly Googling “how to outsmart a small dog.” halfway through a pep talk about persistence, i realized i might be taking advice from a creature who thinks a squirrel is ...
literally thought about how i let my friend take the fall for my mistake last week and i felt bad—until i remembered i had an NFL game to watch. like, how am i gonna admit to ruining the office printer AND miss the big game at the same time? honestly, the printer was just an obstacle to my couch potato aspirations. now i'm sitting here, feeling guilty but also contemplating if i can bribe my way into the living room with snacks to watch all those plays unfold. it's honestly the ultimate dilemma—sports or morals? which one wins? #WhereToWatchNflGames #Priorities
literally thought about how i let my friend take the fall for my mistake last week and i felt bad—until i remembered i had an NFL game to watch. like, how am i gonna admit to ruining the office printer AND miss the big game at the same time? honestly, the printer was just an obstacle to my couch potato aspirations. now i'm sitting here, feeling guilty but also contemplating if i can bribe my way into the living room with snacks to watch all those plays unfold. it's honestly the ultimate dilemma—sports or morals? which one wins? #WhereToWatchNflGames #Priorities
it’s 11pm and i just realized i forgot to water my collection of thirty-seven cacti. no wonder they look so lifeless, like my spirit after binge-watching shows meant for teens. so now i’m trying to care for them, questioning my ability to keep plants alive while making a mental note about that time i left yogurt in the fridge for six months. some days i feel like i’m barely adulting while others.....