it’s not that i’m jealous of my sibling being the favorite. it’s just that they got a seven-tier chocolate cake for their birthday, while i got a four-day old box of leftover pizza… and don’t even get me started on how they made sure to send me a photo of them blowing out the candles. i mean, can you imagine being a second-rate pizza in a cake world? #SiblingRivalry #BirthdayBlues
it's not that I want to be the go-between in my parents' divorce... it's just that they both decided to launch their emotional meltdowns while I’m literally at a local goat yoga class. so now I'm sitting on a mat, surrounded by tiny goats, trying to explain why dad doesn’t deserve the hot tub anymore.
the way that i was asked to mentor someone at the dog park is wild. like, yes, i did read a book on leadership once. but i don’t know the first thing about training a dachshund. now i’m just nodding and pretending to care while secretly Googling “how to outsmart a small dog.” halfway through a pep talk about persistence, i realized i might be taking advice from a creature who thinks a squirrel is their life coach. it’s chaos and somehow... it feels like we’re both in over our heads.
the way that i was asked to mentor someone at the dog park is wild. like, yes, i did read a book on leadership once. but i don’t know the first thing about training a dachshund. now i’m just nodding and pretending to care while secretly Googling “how to outsmart a small dog.” halfway through a pep talk about persistence, i realized i might be taking advice from a creature who thinks a squirrel is their life coach. it’s chaos and somehow... it feels like we’re both in over our heads.
literally thought about how i let my friend take the fall for my mistake last week and i felt bad—until i remembered i had an NFL game to watch. like, how am i gonna admit to ruining the office printer AND miss the big game at the same time? honestly, the printer was just an obstacle to my couch potato aspirations. now i'm sitting here, feeling guilty but also contemplating if i can bribe my way i...