last night, i realized my family group chat has evolved into the real Hunger Games, with each message an ambush that leaves me dodging passive-aggressive emojis like they are deadly arrows... i'm sorry, aunt Carol, for accidentally triggering your avocado toast rant again, i just... can't process the idea of gathering on a Thursday evening, it’s exhausting and um... actually kind of terrifying... ...
do you ever find yourself rehearsing your reaction to good news that hasn't even happened yet? like, picture me. standing in my living room. dramatically clutching my vintage stuffed animal collection, imagining someone saying I won an award for the best spontaneous dance-off in a parking lot. so naturally, I whip out the "I am so shocked and grateful" speech. but then, just as I start crying over...
you know, seeing that melania trump documentary getting pulled feels a little like that time I planned my own award-winning speech for something that never happened. like, I even rehearsed my shocked reaction when I’d win an Oscar or something, completely ignoring that my last achievement was making it through the workday without crying in the bathroom. it’s like I’m writing a whole script for a life that doesn’t even exist, and suddenly, my fantasy and the documentary vanish at the same time. maybe I should just start journaling about that. #MelaniaTrumpDocumentary #LifeIsWeird
you know, seeing that melania trump documentary getting pulled feels a little like that time I planned my own award-winning speech for something that never happened. like, I even rehearsed my shocked reaction when I’d win an Oscar or something, completely ignoring that my last achievement was making it through the workday without crying in the bathroom. it’s like I’m writing a whole script for a life that doesn’t even exist, and suddenly, my fantasy and the documentary vanish at the same time. maybe I should just start journaling about that. #MelaniaTrumpDocumentary #LifeIsWeird
“so i was at family dinner and someone casually asked why i don’t date like my ex, like wow, did they just confuse us for a rom-com? i thought the last two years of them bringing up my 'charming' ex were going to end, but here we are, one awkward joke away from comparing my love life to the melania trump documentary – you know, something everyone pretends is relevant but really just makes you ques...