it's not that I'm in the middle of my parents' divorce mediation, it's just that I accidentally became the FAMILY THERAPIST because I keep reminding them that neither of them can handle spicy food. imagine me, wearing my dad's oversized shirt, fanning myself while they argue about the custody of the blender. I’ve given up on my own sanity; my ultimate goal is to mediate until I can take both their...
i just scheduled a reminder for the exact minute my paycheck hits because my plants need encouragement—there’s no way my 37 succulents will believe i’m responsible enough to pay rent if i’m broke right now. #plantparentproblems #financialdilemmas
so there i was, scrolling my phone, and BAM my friend posts a picture with my ex. but it’s not just a regular picture. no, they’re making goofy snow angels in a pile of snow. i had just finished watching videos of the snow chaos in kashmir, thinking about how those tourists were stranded and praying they at least had Wi-Fi. turns out, my ex is living their best life without me while i’m here contemplating whether sending a message like "do you guys need a three-person snow angel?" would seem too desperate. like, am i stuck in a bad rom-com? #Kashmir #LoveInTheTimeOfSnow
so there i was, scrolling my phone, and BAM my friend posts a picture with my ex. but it’s not just a regular picture. no, they’re making goofy snow angels in a pile of snow. i had just finished watching videos of the snow chaos in kashmir, thinking about how those tourists were stranded and praying they at least had Wi-Fi. turns out, my ex is living their best life without me while i’m here contemplating whether sending a message like "do you guys need a three-person snow angel?" would seem too desperate. like, am i stuck in a bad rom-com? #Kashmir #LoveInTheTimeOfSnow
you know how everyone is getting hyped for the royal rumble? yeah, well—i've been practicing my reaction like it's an audition tape. i'm sitting here in my funeral outfit—black lace and all—thinking if my ex slides into the ring, do i cheer for him? do i cry? because honestly, being second to a wrestling ring might be an upgrade from the relationship chaos we had. so picture me—practicing in front...