not gonna lie, I used to think thirty was a DEATH SENTENCE — now I realize I’m basically two bad decisions away from entering an old folks' home. my knees crack louder than the voices in my head telling me to make life choices — like seriously, I’ve spent too much time stressing about that one pineapple shirt I bought six years ago and not enough time worrying that my body is actively disintegrati...
not gonna lie, my friend spilled my deepest secret about my irrational fear of snow shovels to this person who now looks at me like i am literally the weirdest person alive, and now that the weather in atlanta is saying we might get a winter storm, all i can think is how i need to practice being cool about shovels just in case someone asks about my emotional trauma over a simple tool — honestly, i...
literally walked into the grocery store to grab a single bag of chips and spent fifteen minutes analyzing the energy of the bananas, while casually contemplating if they were just ripe or throwing me a curveball like my ex did. he said he needed space, but six months later he’s over here getting engaged like a caffeine rush before bedtime. so now i’m stuck with a bag of chips, the ripe bananas, and a deep existential crisis that comes with—wait for it—fruit judgment. #bananasareliars #deepthoughts
literally walked into the grocery store to grab a single bag of chips and spent fifteen minutes analyzing the energy of the bananas, while casually contemplating if they were just ripe or throwing me a curveball like my ex did. he said he needed space, but six months later he’s over here getting engaged like a caffeine rush before bedtime. so now i’m stuck with a bag of chips, the ripe bananas, and a deep existential crisis that comes with—wait for it—fruit judgment. #bananasareliars #deepthoughts
not gonna lie, I just found out my favorite pizza place is now a GYM, and I literally went through five stages of grief. I swear I stood outside for ten minutes trying to process the idea of lifting weights instead of lifting pepperoni. I even thought about writing a heartfelt letter to the owner, begging them to consider a “pizza membership” plan. at this point, I am one hundred percent convinced...