ever said no to something and immediately knew you messed up? yeah, that was me at the annual eel-skinning festival last weekend. everyone else was out there, having the time of their lives, and I’m just at home in my pajamas, wondering if I’ll ever recover from missing out on...wait for it...a once-in-a-lifetime chance to fillet slippery fish while wearing a wacky costume. so if you need me, I’ll...
bruh, i just spent thirty minutes drafting a breakup text to my succulents, you know, the ones i told myself would never die, only for them to respond with 'ok' like they're the ones doing ME a favor, i mean, am i supposed to mourn or water the one that just called me basic? #plantdrama #selfcareissues
yooo, I found these old texts from when my houseplant literally had more charisma than my current self. like, they were complimenting it as if it was winning a Nobel Prize, and now I can barely get a "please water me" text from anyone. bruh, I just stood there, plant in hand, wondering if I should send out a group message inviting them over to watch it die slowly like they all did back then.
yooo, I found these old texts from when my houseplant literally had more charisma than my current self. like, they were complimenting it as if it was winning a Nobel Prize, and now I can barely get a "please water me" text from anyone. bruh, I just stood there, plant in hand, wondering if I should send out a group message inviting them over to watch it die slowly like they all did back then.
it's three in the morning and I am deep in the rabbit hole of a bizarre online feud between two strangers over the proper way to train houseplants. I just watched six hours of videos on how they both absolutely believe the other is ruining their plants’ chances at life. now I have a funeral outfit ready, not for someone I know, but just in case there’s a plant memorial. like... who even organizes ...