just realized i spent an entire summer pretending to be friends with my neighbor who didn’t even know my name — we had intense debates about who would survive a zombie apocalypse, while i was just really plotting how to ask him for a cup of sugar — and he still has no idea we were basically best friends in my head.
wait, so I just realized that when they said “I love you,” I panicked and said “thank you” like I was accepting a compliment about my casserole, which I definitely did not make and, oh my god, what kind of psychological gymnastics am I doing where I think love is a culinary critique?
honestly, my family group chat is more stressful than my actual job. like, can you believe my aunt just compared my life choices to tom hiddleston's character in the night manager? said i need to be more like him and get my life together. meanwhile, i'm in the bathroom scrolling through takeout apps instead of taking any actual steps toward stability. i swear if they find out about my imaginary beef with my neighbor over their awful lawn decorations, i might just throw my phone out the window. #TomHiddlestonNightManager #FamilyDrama
honestly, my family group chat is more stressful than my actual job. like, can you believe my aunt just compared my life choices to tom hiddleston's character in the night manager? said i need to be more like him and get my life together. meanwhile, i'm in the bathroom scrolling through takeout apps instead of taking any actual steps toward stability. i swear if they find out about my imaginary beef with my neighbor over their awful lawn decorations, i might just throw my phone out the window. #TomHiddlestonNightManager #FamilyDrama
ever had your parents show up unannounced and see the REALITY of your life? that happened to me last week. i was wearing pajama shorts and an old t-shirt covered in dog hair while binge-watching 'a thousand blows' just to see erin doherty's stunning performance. they walked in to find me amidst a sea of takeout boxes and unpaid bills. mom stared at the chaos and said, "we need to talk about your l...