yooo, so I was in this pottery class, right? and the instructor goes, “you really need to feel the clay, embrace it.” so there I am, palms sweaty, acting like I’m in a therapy session. bruh, when they asked how it felt to create, I panicked and said, “thank you?” like I just got a free sample at a farmer’s market. now I’m the person who claps at movies just for showing up, and I can't even...
wait. my boss introduced me to the new intern as 'just a friend' during the office icebreaker. like, who brings their friend's emotional support animal to a workplace party? so there I was, dodging questions about my “cat” while the poor intern looked confused. great. now I’m labeled as the crazy cat person with NO cat. thanks, Karen.
no because the other day I realized I’ve been giving people the 'Obama' version of myself—smooth, charming, ready for a political debate, while really I’m just over here in pajamas, talking to my houseplants—like they’re my entire cabinet. it’s exhausting to play this role when all I really want is to let my inner chaotic gremlin shine—like, why does nobody know I silently judge my own cooking while using a gourmet sauce to disguise my cereal dinners? at this point, I feel like the only place my authentic self can exist is in my messy kitchen… but somehow, I still end up screenshotting every “empowered” text I send to my friends, while crying in the bathroom. #Obama #ExistentialCrisis
no because the other day I realized I’ve been giving people the 'Obama' version of myself—smooth, charming, ready for a political debate, while really I’m just over here in pajamas, talking to my houseplants—like they’re my entire cabinet. it’s exhausting to play this role when all I really want is to let my inner chaotic gremlin shine—like, why does nobody know I silently judge my own cooking while using a gourmet sauce to disguise my cereal dinners? at this point, I feel like the only place my authentic self can exist is in my messy kitchen… but somehow, I still end up screenshotting every “empowered” text I send to my friends, while crying in the bathroom. #Obama #ExistentialCrisis
not gonna lie, when my boss praised the new intern for my idea in that meeting, my heart sank. i was like, “do they know i’m the ghostwriter of this office?” it’s like i turned into a freaking anime villain, plotting my revenge in silence. honestly, if fcsb vs fenerbahçe turns into a series of fake hype, im considering making up a storyline where my idea magically gets the credit it deserves. gott...