i just realized all the adults were pretending to know what they were doing— like, they think if they hold a cup of herbal tea and say “i feel balanced” it somehow makes them wise— meanwhile, they still can't fold a fitted sheet without needing a full-on meditation retreat.
So I was talking to my cousin about how I have this intense fear of mayonnaise—like, we don’t keep it in my house—when I just casually dropped that I also haven’t eaten a sandwich since the Great Turkey Incident of Two Thousand and Five. You know, the one where Aunt Linda made everyone turkey and avocado on white bread, and I ended up tasting something distinctly... odd. Now everyone thinks I have...
not gonna lie, my family keeps asking if my ex who they literally adored could just “come over for dinner” like we aren’t talking about the same guy who once tried to feed me raw tofu. honestly, how do you explain that your current partner can’t compete with a guy who once proposed with a single rose and a cup of ramen? it's like living in a rom-com but the villain is my own family. #exfiles #dinnerdrama
not gonna lie, my family keeps asking if my ex who they literally adored could just “come over for dinner” like we aren’t talking about the same guy who once tried to feed me raw tofu. honestly, how do you explain that your current partner can’t compete with a guy who once proposed with a single rose and a cup of ramen? it's like living in a rom-com but the villain is my own family. #exfiles #dinnerdrama
ever had that moment where you realize thirty isn’t old? thirty feels like a horrifying abyss that just swallowed me whole. i used to laugh at people who feared it. now i sit here, rethinking my life choices. it hit me while scrolling through the sports news about that evanilson goal. if a player can drop a pass like that, maybe my aspirations of being an adult are just as shaky. #Evanilson #exist...