last night, I realized I spent three hours organizing my sock drawer by color and texture, just to find one that literally matched my outfit for the day, only for my mom to ask if I had a date when I walked out, and I was like, "no, mom, I am going to the gym with my perfectly coordinated socks, but you can tell the cat it was a great time."
just found out the new hire i trained makes literally more than me. they said they don’t even own a calendar and thought the monroe doctrine was just a term for a strict diet. what is life even? so here i am crafting vision boards of my successful life while they’re sipping their fancy drinks, clearly having no idea how to open a door, yet they’re probably buying the next vacation. am i the drama?...
i just realized all the adults were pretending to know what they were doing— like, they think if they hold a cup of herbal tea and say “i feel balanced” it somehow makes them wise— meanwhile, they still can't fold a fitted sheet without needing a full-on meditation retreat.
i just realized all the adults were pretending to know what they were doing— like, they think if they hold a cup of herbal tea and say “i feel balanced” it somehow makes them wise— meanwhile, they still can't fold a fitted sheet without needing a full-on meditation retreat.
So I was talking to my cousin about how I have this intense fear of mayonnaise—like, we don’t keep it in my house—when I just casually dropped that I also haven’t eaten a sandwich since the Great Turkey Incident of Two Thousand and Five. You know, the one where Aunt Linda made everyone turkey and avocado on white bread, and I ended up tasting something distinctly... odd. Now everyone thinks I have...