i found myself crafting tragic storylines in my head, thinking about how drinking too much might lead to a late-stage colon cancer diagnosis. like, am i really worried about that now? or am i just projecting my inner chaos onto a disease i’ve never faced? why do i make up entire scenarios about arguing with people who have no idea who i am? should i just have a drink or two or three and accept my ...
wait, i just found out jeremy sochan might get traded. the guy gets more attention than my entire life's worth of awkward attempts to make conversation. i'm supposed to mentor someone, but honestly, all i do is tell them about my sad plants that are somehow more alive than my social life. does that count? #JeremySochan #LifeAdvice
yooo, so I found out my friend group has a secret chat without me. like, they literally discuss their favorite brand of sponges. honestly, I have been left out of sponge discourse. I did not realize I would be left behind in the world of cleaning supplies while trying to keep up with my best friend's gluten-free meal plans. I'm just sitting here, uneducated in sponge tech, pondering if I need to set up a rival chat for the eco-friendly cloths.
yooo, so I found out my friend group has a secret chat without me. like, they literally discuss their favorite brand of sponges. honestly, I have been left out of sponge discourse. I did not realize I would be left behind in the world of cleaning supplies while trying to keep up with my best friend's gluten-free meal plans. I'm just sitting here, uneducated in sponge tech, pondering if I need to set up a rival chat for the eco-friendly cloths.
ever been at a holiday dinner that spiraled into an intervention about your choices? yeah, so there i was, right next to the three bean salad, when my cousin started lecturing me on "life paths." apparently, buying every bizarre collectible spoon in sight isn’t a viable future. i looked him dead in the eyes and said, "some of us aim for quirky legacy, not retirement plans."