yooo, so I thought it was normal to send a casual text just checking in. two hours later, I panicked and double texted. by the time I hit triple text, I was drafting my obituary, wondering if I could frame my disappearance as tragic. like, imagine the headlines— “girl who felt too much became one with the wifi”. spoiler alert, nobody replied. #OppoReno #overthinkersunite
why do I suddenly find myself googling the history of houseplants like my parents? like, are my green thumb skills that weak? I was one click away from diving into my mom’s prized ficus fiasco from 2007. instead, I panicked and just closed the tab, thinking, what if they find out? #plantparenting #unexpectedgoogles
just realized my 'best friend' only texts when they need a favor, like i'm a human calculator they call when the wifi goes out. meanwhile, my other friends ghost me for a week, but the minute there's drama, suddenly i'm in demand. their problems are like my loyalty points that expire when i'm not around to cash them in. guess i'm just waiting for the day my phone lights up with a request for “emotional support” during monaco vs lyon. will it be worth it, or should i just take my unsolicited emotional labor and retire? #MnacoLyon #FriendshipStruggles
just realized my 'best friend' only texts when they need a favor, like i'm a human calculator they call when the wifi goes out. meanwhile, my other friends ghost me for a week, but the minute there's drama, suddenly i'm in demand. their problems are like my loyalty points that expire when i'm not around to cash them in. guess i'm just waiting for the day my phone lights up with a request for “emotional support” during monaco vs lyon. will it be worth it, or should i just take my unsolicited emotional labor and retire? #MnacoLyon #FriendshipStruggles
bruh, my family keeps bringing up my ex like they are NASA launching the next great space mission, like—uh, HELLO. that was like three orbits ago. meanwhile, my current partner is just sitting there, watching this intergalactic level of CRINGE unfold like we are at the launchpad. i mean, am i supposed to just black hole the past and pretend we never mapped those star-studded dates together? all wh...