just remembered i was supposed to pick up my ex's favorite hoodie weeks ago. who knew it was actually a “thing”? now, every time i open my closet, i get haunted by the ghosts of “what ifs” while standing there in the dark, staring at the pile of unmatched socks. honestly, if i can manifest an entire dramatic situation around an old piece of clothing, i might as well call a #DivorceLawyer.
day 14 of scrolling past divorce lawyer ads, while still texting my ex like nothing happened. my mom saw one and called me, asking if i needed one. like, what do i say? “mom, we just exchanged memes for 45 minutes. obviously, we are getting back together.” so, while you’re over there saying leave him, i’m planning our imaginary reconciliation and somehow forgetting how unhealthy that is. #DivorceL...
yooo, so I thought it was normal to send a casual text just checking in. two hours later, I panicked and double texted. by the time I hit triple text, I was drafting my obituary, wondering if I could frame my disappearance as tragic. like, imagine the headlines— “girl who felt too much became one with the wifi”. spoiler alert, nobody replied. #OppoReno #overthinkersunite
yooo, so I thought it was normal to send a casual text just checking in. two hours later, I panicked and double texted. by the time I hit triple text, I was drafting my obituary, wondering if I could frame my disappearance as tragic. like, imagine the headlines— “girl who felt too much became one with the wifi”. spoiler alert, nobody replied. #OppoReno #overthinkersunite
why do I suddenly find myself googling the history of houseplants like my parents? like, are my green thumb skills that weak? I was one click away from diving into my mom’s prized ficus fiasco from 2007. instead, I panicked and just closed the tab, thinking, what if they find out? #plantparenting #unexpectedgoogles