why do I suddenly find myself googling the history of houseplants like my parents? like, are my green thumb skills that weak? I was one click away from diving into my mom’s prized ficus fiasco from 2007. instead, I panicked and just closed the tab, thinking, what if they find out? #plantparenting #unexpectedgoogles
just realized my 'best friend' only texts when they need a favor, like i'm a human calculator they call when the wifi goes out. meanwhile, my other friends ghost me for a week, but the minute there's drama, suddenly i'm in demand. their problems are like my loyalty points that expire when i'm not around to cash them in. guess i'm just waiting for the day my phone lights up with a request for “emot...
bruh, my family keeps bringing up my ex like they are NASA launching the next great space mission, like—uh, HELLO. that was like three orbits ago. meanwhile, my current partner is just sitting there, watching this intergalactic level of CRINGE unfold like we are at the launchpad. i mean, am i supposed to just black hole the past and pretend we never mapped those star-studded dates together? all while trying to convince my dog that i didn’t just emotionally spiral on our couch into an alternate universe—shoutout to the food wrapper in my hand as a “snack break.” guess the only thing getting tossed away here is my sanity. #Nasa #CringeOrbit
bruh, my family keeps bringing up my ex like they are NASA launching the next great space mission, like—uh, HELLO. that was like three orbits ago. meanwhile, my current partner is just sitting there, watching this intergalactic level of CRINGE unfold like we are at the launchpad. i mean, am i supposed to just black hole the past and pretend we never mapped those star-studded dates together? all while trying to convince my dog that i didn’t just emotionally spiral on our couch into an alternate universe—shoutout to the food wrapper in my hand as a “snack break.” guess the only thing getting tossed away here is my sanity. #Nasa #CringeOrbit
not gonna lie, when I found out Nikki Bella was serving as Grand Marshal for the fiesta bowl parade 2026, I felt a wave of emotion. I once cried over a wrestling match, and honestly, it haunted me. I wrote this whole heartfelt message to my friend about how excited I was, detailing every moment and color in the parade I envisioned, and they replied with one emoji. Just a thumbs up. I sat there for...