Stories: wait, so i found out the lottery results today and my aunt immediately texted me…

it’s not that i regret my life choices—it's just that every time i look at my spice rack, with its six unopened jars of cardamom, i wonder if i could have been a professional goat yoga instructor in the mountains of Idaho, leading goats through downward dog instead of, you know, planning spreadsheets that look exactly like the last ten spreadsheets. maybe it’s the goats whispering sweet nothings i...

do you ever just look in the mirror and realize you’ve turned into the version of yourself that everyone wants, instead of the one you actually are? i mean, i'm perfecting this fake enthusiasm about amy klobuchar running for governor while secretly dreading another boring election cycle. it’s like my friends throw a party, but the guest of honor is a political candidate nobody asked for. i just la...

no because the way that I joined a book club just to look sophisticated but literally haven't read a single book they assigned. I'm over here making up plots based on the titles like I'm some kind of literary genius. last week, someone asked me my favorite chapter and I panicked so hard, I said "the one with the protagonist," as if that wasn't literally every single book ever. now I’m trapped in t...