do you ever just look in the mirror and realize you’ve turned into the version of yourself that everyone wants, instead of the one you actually are? i mean, i'm perfecting this fake enthusiasm about amy klobuchar running for governor while secretly dreading another boring election cycle. it’s like my friends throw a party, but the guest of honor is a political candidate nobody asked for. i just la...
wait, so i found out the lottery results today and my aunt immediately texted me asking if i bought a ticket because "you know i was just saying how 30 is the new old." as if winning the lottery means i can avoid feeling ancient. last week she showed me her new "senior citizen" discount card, like thanks for the reminder, aunt Karen. guess i'll just adopt ten cats and binge-watch soap operas. #Lot...
no because the way that I joined a book club just to look sophisticated but literally haven't read a single book they assigned. I'm over here making up plots based on the titles like I'm some kind of literary genius. last week, someone asked me my favorite chapter and I panicked so hard, I said "the one with the protagonist," as if that wasn't literally every single book ever. now I’m trapped in this whirlwind of ‘who actually reads for fun?’ like, just let me fake being smart in peace!
no because the way that I joined a book club just to look sophisticated but literally haven't read a single book they assigned. I'm over here making up plots based on the titles like I'm some kind of literary genius. last week, someone asked me my favorite chapter and I panicked so hard, I said "the one with the protagonist," as if that wasn't literally every single book ever. now I’m trapped in this whirlwind of ‘who actually reads for fun?’ like, just let me fake being smart in peace!
literally forgave my neighbor for trying to steal my garden gnomes, like I even went to their barbecue afterward and smiled. but honestly? I’ll never trust them again. every time I see them watering their plants, I half-expect them to pull out a gnome from their back pocket like a magician revealing a rabbit. like, am I really supposed to believe their gnomes are still just decorations and not tro...