bruh, my parents are splitting up and somehow I’m the appointed mediator. just spent thirty minutes negotiating which one gets to keep the leftover takeout. I asked if they had a backup plan for when things get spicy — they stared at me, then started arguing about whether Walmart is open today. yikes. #IsWalmartOpenToday #FamilyDrama
just realized baltimore is about to get buried under snow and ice. i'm sitting here in my room, covered in a blanket like a burrito, because my only plan this winter was to finish watching the same three seasons of a reality show for the seventh time. now, instead of hibernating like a sensible adult, i am questioning if i should invest in a snow shovel—or just continue dodging responsibilities li...
day 47 of living in a parallel universe where i checked their phone while they were asleep. found an unsent text to their dentist about feeling “exposed” during cleanings. now i cannot look at a toothbrush without picturing them confessing their deep-seated fears about fluoride.
day 47 of living in a parallel universe where i checked their phone while they were asleep. found an unsent text to their dentist about feeling “exposed” during cleanings. now i cannot look at a toothbrush without picturing them confessing their deep-seated fears about fluoride.
just found out my sock drawer is basically a retirement home for single socks—like, do they have a monthly bingo night? am I going to walk in one day and find them all playing cards and reminiscing about their lost partners?