i was invited to an improv class this weekend. like, you know, to improve my social skills or whatever. but instead i Googled “symptoms of social anxiety” and convinced myself i literally have 12 different disorders. now i’m contemplating if a live audience can sense my heart pounding like it’s trying to escape my body. also, do you think people who improvise in public ever consider the trauma the...
not gonna lie, I told my friends I couldn't go out because I was getting my wisdom teeth removed. the truth is, I’m just sitting here eating instant noodles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. honestly, my mouth isn’t even sore, it’s just my bank account that’s in excruciating pain. can someone please come and help me stage an emergency dental appointment just to avoid the awkward questions? #brokea...
my parents showed up unannounced and walked straight into the apocalypse that is my closet. clothes piled high like they were staging a rebellion, and I swear my "laundry basket" is just an overgrown creature in the corner. they caught me standing there, frozen like a deer in headlights, while trying to hide a half-eaten pizza in my desk drawer. just stood there, nodding awkwardly as I realized they know I have never actually cleaned since college.
my parents showed up unannounced and walked straight into the apocalypse that is my closet. clothes piled high like they were staging a rebellion, and I swear my "laundry basket" is just an overgrown creature in the corner. they caught me standing there, frozen like a deer in headlights, while trying to hide a half-eaten pizza in my desk drawer. just stood there, nodding awkwardly as I realized they know I have never actually cleaned since college.
just realized i casually scrolled through linkedin, and my job is open for applications. like, what is this? do they think i don't know? meanwhile, i watched u of a basketball highlight clips as if it helps my productivity. should i send a resume or a highlight reel? i may or may not include my three-pointer attempts at family gatherings. #UOfABasketball #JustSendHelp