not gonna lie, every time there's a storm warning, i have this bizarre moment where i imagine being the only survivor after everything goes dark. it gets wild. i picture myself navigating through flooded streets with my last piece of bread, shouting at the clouds, “why didn’t you take my bank account instead?” and then, just as i think of rescuing a cat from a tree, i remember that i can't even sa...
it’s 3am and i just realized i accidentally sent the "he’s a total mess" text about my crush, straight to him. i was just a few glasses deep scrolling through his social media, finding every cringy like from 2015, and thought i was texting my best friend. now he’s seen my beautiful analysis of his life choices. instead of talking about his social media chaos, i had to quickly follow up with "sorry...
it’s three a.m. and I’m staring at my phone, wondering why kendall jenner is still getting to roast her exes on national TV while I just spilled coffee on my ‘I’m turning thirty’ sweater. my friends keep sending me reminders about my birthday party, but all I can think about is how she somehow looks amazing after dating a list of people who seem to have zero emotional capacity, and here I am still trying to untangle the mess of my last two crushes. should I be worried about adulting when kendall is busy trolling her ex-boyfriends? can I even afford a party? do I need a 401k just to keep up? maybe I’ll just call in sick on my birthday. #KendallJenner #thirtyflirtyandunemployed
it’s three a.m. and I’m staring at my phone, wondering why kendall jenner is still getting to roast her exes on national TV while I just spilled coffee on my ‘I’m turning thirty’ sweater. my friends keep sending me reminders about my birthday party, but all I can think about is how she somehow looks amazing after dating a list of people who seem to have zero emotional capacity, and here I am still trying to untangle the mess of my last two crushes. should I be worried about adulting when kendall is busy trolling her ex-boyfriends? can I even afford a party? do I need a 401k just to keep up? maybe I’ll just call in sick on my birthday. #KendallJenner #thirtyflirtyandunemployed
last night, i had a full-blown argument with a stranger at a coffee shop over the right way to eat an avocado. yes, that happened. it was going great until i realized halfway through that i was standing there defending my point while they were literally just there to get oat milk. now i replay the conversation like it's a court case, crafting comebacks that will never see the light of day, while m...