just realized i bought that new energy drink thinking it would help me stay awake at work but it just made me crash even harder, like why do i do this to myself, feels like i am chasing some idea of productivity that doesn't even exist. now i am sitting here regretting every sip, wondering how many times i can restart my day.
sat on my bed last night—this lumpy mattress i found on the curb—and stared at the pile of unopened bills on my desk while my friends were posting about their vacations and promotions, feeling like a ghost in my own life because who am i to think i deserve even a fraction of what they have when i can barely remember the last time i went outside for anything other than work or grabbing takeout with...
just sat down to work on a project i started last year and realized i still have not bought the supplies because i always tell myself i cannot afford it even though it is just a few dollars but when you start adding everything up like bills and that stupid subscription i forgot to cancel it feels impossible to get even a little thing done and now i feel stuck like i just want to buy some colored pencils and let go of all this pressure but i cannot seem to let myself do it.
just sat down to work on a project i started last year and realized i still have not bought the supplies because i always tell myself i cannot afford it even though it is just a few dollars but when you start adding everything up like bills and that stupid subscription i forgot to cancel it feels impossible to get even a little thing done and now i feel stuck like i just want to buy some colored pencils and let go of all this pressure but i cannot seem to let myself do it.
i swear every time i go to grab a coffee at that place down the street, i end up in the longest line because some guy is trying to pay with change or something and they’re counting it out like it’s a treasure hunt. it’s like, come on people, do you not have anywhere else to be?