woke up today and realized i have been in this apartment for months and the only conversations i've had are with delivery people and my plants literally don't even talk back. spent way too long scrolling through contacts thinking about how i used to reach out but now every name feels like a ghost, even the ones i used to talk to all the time.
today i literally cleaned one small corner of my apartment and felt like a productivity QUEEN but then i remembered how my whole life is just rearranging the mess while the big stuff keeps piling up. sometimes i wonder if pretending to care about little victories is a way to dodge the fact that nothing really changes at all.
just realized i bought that new energy drink thinking it would help me stay awake at work but it just made me crash even harder, like why do i do this to myself, feels like i am chasing some idea of productivity that doesn't even exist. now i am sitting here regretting every sip, wondering how many times i can restart my day.
just realized i bought that new energy drink thinking it would help me stay awake at work but it just made me crash even harder, like why do i do this to myself, feels like i am chasing some idea of productivity that doesn't even exist. now i am sitting here regretting every sip, wondering how many times i can restart my day.
sat on my bed last night—this lumpy mattress i found on the curb—and stared at the pile of unopened bills on my desk while my friends were posting about their vacations and promotions, feeling like a ghost in my own life because who am i to think i deserve even a fraction of what they have when i can barely remember the last time i went outside for anything other than work or grabbing takeout with...