yooo, bruh, remember that time I tried to impress a crush by cooking, right? I was all about “romantic” vibes and whipped up some fancy risotto—only to realize mid-stir that I had zero salt. I panicked and dumped an entire can of pumpkin spice into it, thinking “this is like, a gourmet twist.” Ended up serving it with a straight face, and my crush asked if I was trying to poison them. Now they pro...
day 92 of apologizing for existing, and today i told my potted plant to thrive or leave the room. can you imagine if we lived in a world where even houseplants respected my energy? instead, i have been making myself small like i’m trying to fit into a Tupperware that was never meant for me. i swear, if my fern starts demanding an apology next, i might just go full delulu and manifest a life where ...
bruh, I turned down this opportunity to enter a prestigious, elite banana-eating competition. like, I thought, "who has the time?" Fast forward, I literally watched someone I know chomp their way to fame while I’m at home, drowning my sorrows in peanut butter sandwiches. now I'm contemplating a career in competitive microwave meal devouring because it feels like that’s where my true talent lies. honestly, my family still thinks I made a smart choice, but I'm literally out here wishing I could trade my dignity for just one perfectly timed banana peel slip on live television.
bruh, I turned down this opportunity to enter a prestigious, elite banana-eating competition. like, I thought, "who has the time?" Fast forward, I literally watched someone I know chomp their way to fame while I’m at home, drowning my sorrows in peanut butter sandwiches. now I'm contemplating a career in competitive microwave meal devouring because it feels like that’s where my true talent lies. honestly, my family still thinks I made a smart choice, but I'm literally out here wishing I could trade my dignity for just one perfectly timed banana peel slip on live television.
honestly, i just bought these ridiculously overpriced shoes because they reminded me of my first crush's kicks in high school. thought they would bring back that good old feeling of falling in love, you know? but then the credit card bill came—literally felt my heart drop like jalen williams during a highlight reel. i don't even know if i should return them or just rock them while contemplating my...