it's not that i dislike my neighbor’s floral-patterned lawn flamingos, it's just that every time i see them, i can't help but feel like they're judging me for not having any decorations of my own. like, what if they plot my demise during their nightly flamingo huddles? now i don’t just water my plants. i have to consult the lawn flamingo council before making any landscaping decisions. sure, they ...
wait, so I just found out my friends think I’m basically a Marvel character, specifically Josh Gad's sidekick in a parody. like, I didn’t even know they considered my level of sarcasm ‘entertaining’ enough to joke about, but here we are. I mean, one of them even said they’d pick me for an apocalypse buddy... until I reminded them that I can’t even find matching socks. now I'm just wondering if I s...
did you hear about that congresswoman getting assaulted at a town hall meeting? i mean, the craziest thing happened to me too—i had to cancel plans with my friends because they wanted to go out, but i told them i had a last-minute family emergency. in reality, i was just too broke to keep pretending i was having fun. but honestly—who knew life could take you from red flags to town halls faster than i could blink? #NdtvLive #personalstruggles
did you hear about that congresswoman getting assaulted at a town hall meeting? i mean, the craziest thing happened to me too—i had to cancel plans with my friends because they wanted to go out, but i told them i had a last-minute family emergency. in reality, i was just too broke to keep pretending i was having fun. but honestly—who knew life could take you from red flags to town halls faster than i could blink? #NdtvLive #personalstruggles
honestly, i saw the news about that construction site accident, and it hit different—like, the last time i tried assembling an IKEA shelf alone, i nearly lost a finger and swore i’d never touch tools again—now, every time i pass a work site, i wonder if anyone is out there ready with a funeral outfit, because you just never know when a hammer might come crashing down, and here i am, prepared for a...