have you ever written a whole thank you speech for an award you definitely haven't won? it feels like training for a marathon you didn't even sign up for, but hey, there’s something empowering about thanking my mom and my fifth-grade art teacher in advance for all the support they NEVER actually gave. honestly, my biggest fear isn't losing the award. it’s having to ACTUALLY use the speech in my he...
it's not that i dislike my neighbor’s floral-patterned lawn flamingos, it's just that every time i see them, i can't help but feel like they're judging me for not having any decorations of my own. like, what if they plot my demise during their nightly flamingo huddles? now i don’t just water my plants. i have to consult the lawn flamingo council before making any landscaping decisions. sure, they ...
wait, so I just found out my friends think I’m basically a Marvel character, specifically Josh Gad's sidekick in a parody. like, I didn’t even know they considered my level of sarcasm ‘entertaining’ enough to joke about, but here we are. I mean, one of them even said they’d pick me for an apocalypse buddy... until I reminded them that I can’t even find matching socks. now I'm just wondering if I should invest in a funeral outfit or a superhero cape for our next hangout. #JoshGad #LifeAsAVillain
wait, so I just found out my friends think I’m basically a Marvel character, specifically Josh Gad's sidekick in a parody. like, I didn’t even know they considered my level of sarcasm ‘entertaining’ enough to joke about, but here we are. I mean, one of them even said they’d pick me for an apocalypse buddy... until I reminded them that I can’t even find matching socks. now I'm just wondering if I should invest in a funeral outfit or a superhero cape for our next hangout. #JoshGad #LifeAsAVillain
did you hear about that congresswoman getting assaulted at a town hall meeting? i mean, the craziest thing happened to me too—i had to cancel plans with my friends because they wanted to go out, but i told them i had a last-minute family emergency. in reality, i was just too broke to keep pretending i was having fun. but honestly—who knew life could take you from red flags to town halls faster tha...