ok but you ever realize you just need to pass life like a very mediocre train conductor? i calculated my personal grade—like, if we’re judging worth by accomplishments vs snacks consumed, i'm a solid C-. so now, every time i find a forgotten pack of gummy bears in my sock drawer, i remind myself: those 17 hours of scrolling through 90's rom-com plots have somehow prepared me for this moment. becau...
no because i literally finished my laundry after 3 weeks of just wearing the same two shirts. i put away my clean clothes and felt this surge of pride, like i just climbed mount everest, or at least a small hill, while literally missing a shoe. i even folded my fitted sheets like they were an origami masterpiece but now i just have a weird towel taco in my closet, so who am i really impressing her...
wait, so everyone is RAVING about this 19 minute viral video but when i watched it, it literally felt like 19 hours of a cat doing the Macarena in slow-mo with an existential crisis soundtrack? like, by minute 12 i was genuinely wondering if my microwave was judging me for making a frozen pizza for breakfast. so, yeah, i guess everyone loves it, but all i got was a pizza and deep philosophical dread. #ViralVideos19MinuteViralVideo #ExistentialCats
wait, so everyone is RAVING about this 19 minute viral video but when i watched it, it literally felt like 19 hours of a cat doing the Macarena in slow-mo with an existential crisis soundtrack? like, by minute 12 i was genuinely wondering if my microwave was judging me for making a frozen pizza for breakfast. so, yeah, i guess everyone loves it, but all i got was a pizza and deep philosophical dread. #ViralVideos19MinuteViralVideo #ExistentialCats
ok but i watched a whole 3-hour joe rogan podcast the other day, right? by the end, i realized i still couldn’t tell if it was about aliens or protein powder. the only thing i learned was that my couch is way more comfortable than facing reality. #JoeRogan #lifechoices