so, like, I just found out that my neighbor’s been “single” this whole time, but their ex literally has been crashing on their couch for the past three months. it’s not even the sneaky part that gets me; it’s the fact that they both take turns pretending to like their vegan meal prep while their fridge is full of leftover pizza, like, why? I didn’t realize a love triangle could be so deliciously c...
so the other day, i had to tell my friends i couldn't go out because i had this “family emergency.” the truth is, i literally have no money. then i saw that sam rockwell is going to be in this heist film, and suddenly it hit me—my life is basically a heist gone wrong. but instead of stealing money, i’m just stuck pretending my budget isn't screaming for help. #SamRockwell #LifeHeist
so, there I was, polishing the ancient coffee machine like it was the Mona Lisa. I mean, it probably needs a good scrub since half the company has passed through here and we all know it smells like regret and burnt toast. I stayed loyal to a place that would replace me faster than a child can get bored with a new toy, all for the sake of... what was it? COMPANY CULTURE? oh right, as if anyone ever enjoyed this just to wear matching t-shirts. anyway, I finally got a trophy for my efforts – a shiny pen – and thought, wow, nothing says “thank you for your loyalty” like a device to sign my departure papers.
so, there I was, polishing the ancient coffee machine like it was the Mona Lisa. I mean, it probably needs a good scrub since half the company has passed through here and we all know it smells like regret and burnt toast. I stayed loyal to a place that would replace me faster than a child can get bored with a new toy, all for the sake of... what was it? COMPANY CULTURE? oh right, as if anyone ever enjoyed this just to wear matching t-shirts. anyway, I finally got a trophy for my efforts – a shiny pen – and thought, wow, nothing says “thank you for your loyalty” like a device to sign my departure papers.
wait, I just sent my “gonna eat this entire pizza by myself” message to the group chat instead of just my fridge—it’s cool though, right? I mean, now they know I'm one cheese away from a full meltdown over the meaning of life and... did I really think anyone would understand the emotional weight of that crust? #CasualDevastation #DeepDishExistentialCrisis