the way that jeremy sochan is looking for a new home, like, it feels too familiar, you know? just yesterday, my houseplants were drooping and i realized i was literally going to have to choose which ones to keep and which to send to a greener pasture. how is that fair? they didn’t even complain when i forgot to water them, yet here i am, desperately avoiding a ‘going out of business’ sale at my ow...
ok but you know that time I pretended I was allergic to coconut at the family reunion just so I could avoid Aunt Brenda’s questionable coleslaw? literally have been living with that secret for five years. like, it feels wrong, but also have you tasted that coleslaw? the real chaos is how Brenda still insists I’m just “sensitive” every time we get together. #familydrama #colesslawconfessions
last night i did the math on my love life and realized i spent more on takeout dinners than i ever did on actual dates. my comfort food is thriving, while my heart is… well, whatever’s floating in that lake over in MacArthur Park. they should really check if my hope is down there too. at this rate, it’s cheaper to buy pizza than to ask someone out, and honestly, less messy. #LosAngeles #LosersInLove
last night i did the math on my love life and realized i spent more on takeout dinners than i ever did on actual dates. my comfort food is thriving, while my heart is… well, whatever’s floating in that lake over in MacArthur Park. they should really check if my hope is down there too. at this rate, it’s cheaper to buy pizza than to ask someone out, and honestly, less messy. #LosAngeles #LosersInLove
just realized my favorite bartender has been making me feel guilty for my drinking habits while spreading rumors that i’m secretly three shots deep at noon. meanwhile, i'm just trying to figure out if choosing mimosas over an existential crisis is a good life choice. guess the only real risk of my drinking is the colon cancer i should worry about… but first, maybe worry about my “friend” spreading...