ok but you know that time I pretended I was allergic to coconut at the family reunion just so I could avoid Aunt Brenda’s questionable coleslaw? literally have been living with that secret for five years. like, it feels wrong, but also have you tasted that coleslaw? the real chaos is how Brenda still insists I’m just “sensitive” every time we get together. #familydrama #colesslawconfessions
last night i did the math on my love life and realized i spent more on takeout dinners than i ever did on actual dates. my comfort food is thriving, while my heart is… well, whatever’s floating in that lake over in MacArthur Park. they should really check if my hope is down there too. at this rate, it’s cheaper to buy pizza than to ask someone out, and honestly, less messy. #LosAngeles #LosersInLo...
just realized my favorite bartender has been making me feel guilty for my drinking habits while spreading rumors that i’m secretly three shots deep at noon. meanwhile, i'm just trying to figure out if choosing mimosas over an existential crisis is a good life choice. guess the only real risk of my drinking is the colon cancer i should worry about… but first, maybe worry about my “friend” spreading lies about me. #Cancer #TruthHurts
just realized my favorite bartender has been making me feel guilty for my drinking habits while spreading rumors that i’m secretly three shots deep at noon. meanwhile, i'm just trying to figure out if choosing mimosas over an existential crisis is a good life choice. guess the only real risk of my drinking is the colon cancer i should worry about… but first, maybe worry about my “friend” spreading lies about me. #Cancer #TruthHurts
yooo, i just found out that the dude from marketing got a promotion because he managed to convince everyone that using crayons is a legitimate strategy for client presentations. like, bruh, when i try to doodle during a meeting, i’m the weirdo. but now i’m supposed to jump on the “nvidia meets art class” bandwagon or risk being replaced by an ASML printer, like really? time to practice my crayon s...