literally spent two hours drafting an acceptance speech for an award I definitely did not win—only to find out my coworker actually put my name in the wrong category and somehow my old high school gym teacher is up for it. like—what betrayal? I’m practicing my Oscar face for a SHAM of a victory that was never even MINE. now I have to pretend to care about the outcome while I eat popcorn and cheer ...
i literally defended my neighbor to everyone when they accused them of stealing lawn gnomes, and then overheard them on the phone saying how my flower arrangements are “ugly and distracting” like what am i, the queen of backyard aesthetics? honestly, i guess all those times i tried to create a floral wonderland only resulted in a poorly manicured wild jungle that nobody asked for. so now i am lite...
last night, I was so excited about this new app that analyzes cricket stats like literally nothing else. I drafted this super smart message to a friend, like, "imagine Keshav Maharaj doing a TikTok dance. It's a mood." But then—in a moment of pure chaos—sent it to the whole group chat. Now, everyone thinks I’m, like, obsessed with cricket influencers. The worst part? My crush reacted with laughing emojis, and I cannot—like, literally cannot—face them ever again. #KeshavMaharaj #CringeConfession
last night, I was so excited about this new app that analyzes cricket stats like literally nothing else. I drafted this super smart message to a friend, like, "imagine Keshav Maharaj doing a TikTok dance. It's a mood." But then—in a moment of pure chaos—sent it to the whole group chat. Now, everyone thinks I’m, like, obsessed with cricket influencers. The worst part? My crush reacted with laughing emojis, and I cannot—like, literally cannot—face them ever again. #KeshavMaharaj #CringeConfession
ok but when my friend invited me to the concert last week, i almost said yes until i realized i can't even afford a coat like greg bovino's, which now apparently represents more drama than my entire life. what if everyone was wearing one, and i showed up in a sweater that’s two sizes too big? panic set in. had to decline the invite and told them i was busy, but i just stayed home rewatching old re...