it’s not that i’m overwhelmed by adulting, it’s just that my parents had entire HOMES and REGULAR job schedules by the time they were my age. meanwhile, i just panicked over choosing which snack to eat and ended up eating peanut butter straight from the jar… with a spoon. like, HOW did they manage to adult when i can barely adult? my dad had a backyard barbecue at twenty-seven while i have a stash...
literally spent two hours drafting an acceptance speech for an award I definitely did not win—only to find out my coworker actually put my name in the wrong category and somehow my old high school gym teacher is up for it. like—what betrayal? I’m practicing my Oscar face for a SHAM of a victory that was never even MINE. now I have to pretend to care about the outcome while I eat popcorn and cheer ...
i literally defended my neighbor to everyone when they accused them of stealing lawn gnomes, and then overheard them on the phone saying how my flower arrangements are “ugly and distracting” like what am i, the queen of backyard aesthetics? honestly, i guess all those times i tried to create a floral wonderland only resulted in a poorly manicured wild jungle that nobody asked for. so now i am literally rethinking my entire life, planning to start a new career as a lawn gnome designer, where the only person allowed to judge me is, well, the gnomes. #pettyvibes #flowerdrama
i literally defended my neighbor to everyone when they accused them of stealing lawn gnomes, and then overheard them on the phone saying how my flower arrangements are “ugly and distracting” like what am i, the queen of backyard aesthetics? honestly, i guess all those times i tried to create a floral wonderland only resulted in a poorly manicured wild jungle that nobody asked for. so now i am literally rethinking my entire life, planning to start a new career as a lawn gnome designer, where the only person allowed to judge me is, well, the gnomes. #pettyvibes #flowerdrama
last night, I was so excited about this new app that analyzes cricket stats like literally nothing else. I drafted this super smart message to a friend, like, "imagine Keshav Maharaj doing a TikTok dance. It's a mood." But then—in a moment of pure chaos—sent it to the whole group chat. Now, everyone thinks I’m, like, obsessed with cricket influencers. The worst part? My crush reacted with laughing...