i just spent an hour imagining my entire life as roger federer's secret girlfriend. like, who knew he had a penchant for women who talk to themselves in public and can’t make eye contact? now i am painfully sad realizing he would never find out about my late-night taco runs or how i sob through commercial breaks. what is this life? #RogerFederer #delulu
not gonna lie, ive spent way too long convincing myself that one day i would casually run into cooper connolly at a coffee shop and we'd bond over how neither of us know what to do with our lives. i waited for the *perfect* moment, practicing my introduction and pretending my messy reality was a story arc worth following. now, he’s trending and i just got ghosted by my barista who doesn't even kno...
just got caught looking up how to care for a cactus in a room full of succulents. they definitely thought i was the one person incapable of nurturing anything green. now im overthinking if they know about my plant hoarding tendencies or if they suspect i have a secret life as a desert botanist. i can’t even enjoy my overpriced avocado toast because i’m planning my escape from the garden party where everyone knows i’m the cactus enthusiast.
just got caught looking up how to care for a cactus in a room full of succulents. they definitely thought i was the one person incapable of nurturing anything green. now im overthinking if they know about my plant hoarding tendencies or if they suspect i have a secret life as a desert botanist. i can’t even enjoy my overpriced avocado toast because i’m planning my escape from the garden party where everyone knows i’m the cactus enthusiast.
day 3 of pretending i can't go out because i “have a family emergency.” really i just discovered my phone can play that new car accident lawyer ad on repeat for three hours, and the bills stacked next to my couch are giving me a personal crisis— like, the universe really has a sense of humor when it comes to timing. why did i even say i was dealing with “urgent matters”? last time i checked, tryin...